i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
