Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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