Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize