Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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