Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
