i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
