Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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