Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
