...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
