Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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