if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
