You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
