my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
