My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize