I'm jealous of your bromance
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
