she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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