working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
