Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were trust falling into bushes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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