bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
