Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
