Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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