my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
