...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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