It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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