anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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