i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
