Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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