I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
