wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
