So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
