That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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