Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
