I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
