Nicole vs. Life
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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