Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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