i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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