this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
