I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
