I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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