I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
