i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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