true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
