I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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