I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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