batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
