i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
