I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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