the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
