dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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