Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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