She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
