Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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