I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
