totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
