All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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