im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
