I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
