Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
