just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
