fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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