Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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