Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
