I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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