I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
