Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
