Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
