He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
