Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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