I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
