There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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