So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
