I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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