just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
