I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
