We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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