I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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