The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where is the hickey?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
