I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
