I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
