Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
