Pappa wants mamma naked
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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