I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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