East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
