Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
