I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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