She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
