sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize