There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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