At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
